Ask Stacy (Vol. 7) – Celebrity Decouplings and Getting Personal about My Likes

This month, Stacy tackles several burning questions about celebrity divorces, decouplings, and up-close and personal questions, seeking to reveal more about her style, tastes, and desires.  Before we dive into more questions and answers, it’s important to point out that the following is not legal advice but rather some of her thoughts on questions posed recently. 

Ask Stacy: Recently, a few high-profile celebrity divorce announcements have been made, including Deb/Hugh Jackman and Joe Jonas/Sophie Turner. What are your thoughts on how they (or their people) handed these announcements?

My Thoughts: 

Let’s be honest about this. Going through a divorce- whether you have a short-term marriage or long-term marriage – is really hard. Even at its best, it’s complicated, heart-wrenching, and requires careful work. If one does it right, one comes off as reflective, caring, kind, and compassionate. In this day and age of transparency, releasing a statement that seems counter-intuitive may not be the best communication. I agree it is best to try to control the press, but I think what folks should be saying is: “We are blessed to have a family together as a married couple, but we’re now going through a difficult time, and we hope we do it with grace and dignity. But we ask the public and our fans to give us privacy at this challenging time.”

Ask Stacy:  Are celebrity marriages more precarious than ordinary couples? Why does it seem like few stand the test of time? 

My Thoughts: 

I can’t say that celebrity marriages are any more precarious than others because I don’t think we have any empirical studies or actual evidence of that. But I can tell, in my experience, that celebrities deal with challenges that most normal couples don’t have to deal with. First, they have adoring fans, women or men, eager to throw themselves at the celebrities. And that sort of pulls them in challenging ways, and they are often far away from their families – whether actors, ball players, musicians, etc. – they are touring, on location, or playing ball, and they’re away from the structure of daily life that can keep people from straying. All too often, people who are celebrities are used to being pampered, and when a spouse says, “Take out the trash,” it doesn’t seem like being pampered. So it can put strain on a marriage when one partner feels put upon by doing seemingly ordinary things like “taking out the trash,” “paying the bills,” or “picking up the kids at school.”

Ask Stacy: What advice would you give a married couple – celeb or not – who want to decouple amicably? 

My Thoughts: 

You should find an excellent personal therapist and a joint therapist to help keep both of you in line through the process. If you act out, keep it private and in front of your therapists. Do not express your frustrations in front of family or friends, and never in public. Also, get a good lawyer who will be in sync with your thinking and try to manage the divorce process as well as possible. Consider mediation or collaborative law, which are more likely to keep a reign on spending (for lawyers, etc.) and control the roughness of the divorce. Don’t say things you wouldn’t want said to you – check it all at the door. It’s tough, so reward yourselves for being good in this process. Sometimes, it's not easy when something gets slung at you, but you have to figure out how to handle it and, hopefully, gracefully.

Our definition of “doing it well” is that we don’t know what happened behind closed doors. The “conscious uncoupling” of Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin set the tone and presumably have done it well. I think Giselle and Tom Brady appear to have done it well, or at least they’ve managed the press well. They seem to have handled their potentially complicated divorce and child custody gracefully and publicly without saying damaging or harmful things. 

Ask Stacy: As a woman of faith, is there any such thing as a faith-forward divorce? How can devoutly religious people navigate separation and divorce?

My Thoughts: 

In some very religious communities and some countries, divorce is not allowed because it seems, to the devoted, that it is against God's will or divine providence, etc. That’s why Ireland didn't allow divorce for hundreds of years, forcing some people to live in very unhappy or dangerous marriages, which is not a solution for me. To the faithful, perhaps you can suggest that God may ordain the dissolution of marriage just as God ordained the marriage. And those helping manage the divorce should handle it with care and dignity. You can seek help from your religious leader or a willing priest, cleric, rabbi, minister, or other faith leader, and try to do things by the book in the most sensitive way. I have handled many divorces and family matters of well-known religious leaders; some were highly dignified, and surprisingly, some were not.

Ask Stacy: Who in the entertainment industry would you say has influenced or inspired you?

My Thoughts: 

Peter, Paul, and Mary. I used to take my children regularly to concerts to remind them of what is essential in life. My favorite song of all time is “Leaving On a Jet Plane” by John Denver, but made famous by Peter, Paul, and Mary. I love most folk music for the messages the artists are trying to convey. I love Neil Diamond and all of his music. Outside of musicians, I also respect Meryl Streep and think she’s extraordinary. And, of course, I’ve shared before my adoration of Melora Hardin and, in particular, the role she played in “The Bold Type,” which shined the spotlight on female empowerment and mentoring young women. What I admire most about Melora and other celebrities like her is having a real family with clear family values. Seeing Melora glowing around her husband, engaging with her beautiful and talented young adult daughters, or adoring her proud parents is utterly genuine love and heartwarming. It is all beautiful and very inspiring.

Ask Stacy: You’re a busy, single professional woman. Are you dating, and if so, how do you fit all that into your packed schedule?

My Thoughts: 

I try to date - it’s my priority. I believe I have a true life partner out there; I just need to find him. But it’s a challenge. One of my friends said to me that if we’re interested in finding someone who is independent, successful, kind, and fun, that likely means that they will be a busy person and in high demand. Getting two people to match and end up together will take time. Two busy people must want to make it happen, find time to nurture the relationship, and include time for family, friends, work, and other commitments. You make time for that.  I believe every pot has a lid, at least for everyone who wants one – some people are genuinely interested in staying single. There is always time for the people I love … always.

Ask Stacy:  Describe a typical day in the life of Stacy. What’s on your agenda?

My Thoughts:

I’m not sure I have a typical day. Is it a day in the office, a day out with friends, or a day home with Hurley? I try to spend as much time working out, walking my Hurley – the love of my life, rescue cocker spaniel found by my beautiful daughter – taking care of my clients (which is an always-on proposition, thinking about life, talking and spending time with my friends and family). I also do many things in the community and for my firm. Taking care of myself, including beauty care, is vital to me, and I try to pack it all in, but some days it’s overwhelming. It’s important to me to have structure but not be penned in by that structure, and of course, leaving time to be spontaneous – that is where I find the balance. I aspire to be incredibly organized, but I am not there yet. I am obsessed with my calendar – my personal and work schedules guide my day, telling me when and where to be. I typically am swamped and wouldn’t have it any other way, but I am searching for an assistant at work to help me with all this because it is a big task to help me fit everything in.

Ask Stacy: Who was on your hall pass list when you were married? And is a list like this healthy for a couple to talk and laugh about?

My Thoughts:

First off, it is healthy to have these lists, and it is beneficial to talk about them because it is such a fantasy. This whole idea creates space for conversations about desire, sexuality, and other things that might otherwise be awkward, scary, or worse - never discussed. My ex-husband Craig and I called it something different than a “hall pass,” but we had three people each that if we found we had that opportunity, go for it! I recall Andie MacDowell was one of his after we saw “Four Weddings and a Funeral.” 

Ask Stacy:  We know you love fashion and won’t want to leave anyone out, but who are your top five favorite designers?

My Thoughts:

It is no secret that I love fashion and am a patron to many. Still, when pressed, I would say my favorites are the following: Akris and its renowned designer Albert Kriemler, Christian Dior’s designer Maria Grazia Chiuri (now that she is back to the roots of Dior), Karl Lagerfeld, and my friends who are both shoe designers Jennifer Chamandi, Taryn Rose. I am friendly with Michael Kors, whose work I also love; because of that, I’ve had the opportunity to spend time with him on multiple occasions. I have to say that when Maria Grazia Chiuri and Pierpolo Piccioli were together at Valentino, they were extraordinary and unstoppable. And I am sad to learn that Sarah Burton is retiring from Alexander McQueen, as she was a force! 

Ask Stacy:  What are your top 3 favorite films of all time?

My Thoughts:

Give me a good romance, historical fiction, or whodunnit, and I am hooked! I have to say “The Graduate” was always one of my favorites, but I watched it during the COVID-19 lockdown, and it didn’t strike me the same way, yet I love the soundtrack by Simon and Garfunkle. I also loved “Same Time Next Year” when I first saw it, and, of course, “Fiddler On the Roof.” Three other movie musicals I adore are “My Fair Lady,” “Mary Poppins,” and “The Wizard of Oz.” I am not a fan of Sci-Fi or Fantasy. Of course, everyone knows I have seen and loved nearly all of the Hallmark Channel movies. 

Ask Stacy: What are some favorite places you’ve traveled to, and what remains on your wishlist?

My Thoughts:

My favorite places are anywhere in Italy. I simply adore that country for its history, charm, scenery, and, of course, the food. Ephesus in Turkey is one of the most extraordinary places I have ever visited. I also love nearly all the places in France, Spain, Portugal, Iceland, and Scandinavia. Africa, Asia, and Alaska remain on my bucket list. Number one on my list is to take a photo safari somewhere in Africa. I also would love to travel throughout Asia, including China, Japan, Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam, and Indonesia (Bali). I love to travel – if only everyone could have the chance to travel the world and meet people from other countries, I believe it would create a better, safer, and more understanding world.

Ask Stacy:  We know you host epic parties with a who’s who of names, but say you’re inviting just six people from throughout history to dinner; who would they be and why?

My Thoughts:

I am asked this frequently, and it changes occasionally. Still, some of my top choices are Winston Churchill, Eleanor Roosevelt, Abraham Lincoln, Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, and Golda Meir. I would like to add God as my co-host and invite Moses, Jesus, Muhammad, the Buddha, and the Dali Lama for their impacts on worldwide humanity throughout history.

Ask Stacy:  We know you like to dine out. What are your favorite restaurants in LA and NYC?

My Thoughts:

I love fine dining with family, friends, clients, or even dates. My favorite spots are The Grill On the Alley in Beverly Hills, Craft (Tom Colicchio’s restaurant), The Palm, and The Polo Lounge at the Beverly Hills Hotel. 

Ask Stacy:  We know you love music - particularly live music – what are your favorite bands or artists?

My Thoughts:

I love music, particularly music of the 60s and 70s. I love Neil Diamond, the Eagles, Chicago, The Turtles, The Association, Three Dog Night, The Grass Roots, Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young, Carole King, Peter, Paul, and Mary, James Taylor, Jackson Brown, Bruce Springsteen, an array of country singers, including Shania Twain, Blake Shelton, Little Big Town, Darius Rucker, and the Zack Brown Band.

Ask Stacy: If you could have been anything other than a lawyer – anything in the world – what would that have been and why?

My Thoughts:

I would have loved to have been a therapist because it would have fit my personality and skills. I also loved the idea of a career in advertising, and I could have been a great ad executive but probably not an ad creative. I could also have seen myself running a foundation or even running for public office.

Ask Stacy:  What charities are most important to you, and if you ever created a foundation, what would you dedicate that in honor of?

My Thoughts:

That’s easy – a charity or foundation based on health and education. What an exciting question and reflex response because no one has ever asked me that. I have not created a foundation yet but have established endowed scholarships at Dartmouth and The Mirman School. This type of work is still very appealing to me.